In 2003 I had hit one of the lowest points in my life. The emotional and physical pain were extreme which led to an inability to work and provide financially for my family. The darkness in my life, the physical pain, the emotional exhaustion, the financial struggles and the hopelessness I was feeling completely drowned out the blessings in my life. The PTSD and all the ramifications associated with it led me to a place where the thought of dying was more appealing than living.
I wrote an “I love you” note to my wife and took a combination of my pain medicine, muscle relaxers and sleep medicine which I thought would lead to a pain free and peaceful death. I would no longer be the burden that I thought I was to my wife. I laid down in bed thinking that I would peacefully drift off to sleep and never wake up. God had other plans. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed. Heather had arrived home earlier than expected from her friends house and called 911. I was taken to the hospital where they saved my life.
It doesn’t take more than looking at the picture of my family above to see what I would have missed. My daughters were only ages 6, 4, and 2 at that time and they have grown up to be brilliant, beautiful young women and I would have missed all of it. The dance performances, the graduations, coaching their sports teams, being there for them as they navigate through their teenage years. I would have missed the chance to grow old with Heather who I love with my whole heart. She is my biggest supporter and when people ask how I have maintained my faith through all these struggles, she has played a major role in that. We’ve grown in our faith together and now we will get to grow old together.
The evil actions of a priest and the emotional damage that was done as a result of my abuse almost robbed me of all those things and so much more. I know there are many victims out there who right now are in the same place I was in 2003 struggling just to survive. I ask that you please give me time to build my foundation so I can get you the help you need. You can make it through the darkness in your life right now into a world filled with light and hope for a better future where you will thrive.
I hope you’ll take a few minutes to watch this video. The song “Survivor”, which is sung by Zach Williams who is an award winning Christian music artist, is the perfect anthem for us as survivors. I hope you find it inspirational.